Monday 18 March 2013

How To Deal With Disappointment

By Hal Neff


Everybody encounters disappointments in life, both big and small. Sadly, most of us choose to grumble and whine about our own troubles to the tremendous irritation of others.

It is important to recognize our disappointments and not just disregard them, but how do we do it effectively without being a nag to others? The solution lies in learning constructive ways to acknowledge disappointments.

* Disappointment can build character and persistence if you allow it to. Learning how to cope with your disappointments constructively can make you a stronger person in the end.

Coping with Disappointment

The very first thing you must do in learning to manage disappointment is recognize your own old dealing strategies. Everyone has them. Do you reach for the pint of ice cream or pull away in a room all alone? Do you get intoxicated and try to forget?

Once you acknowledge that your old strategy is not working, it's time to create a new one.

Here are 5 strategies for successfully managing your disappointments:

1 . Recognize what you're feeling. You may honestly express the emotions you feel without blaming or punishing other individuals. This is about how you feel about the circumstance, not others. Articulate your feelings without attacking others. Always be considerate, but don't be afraid to let them know how you feel.

* There is not a correct or incorrect approach to feel. Your feelings are valid and if you do not voice out your own viewpoint then you'll harbor bitterness and stress yourself out. Be straightforward with yourself about how you truly feel about the problem.

2 . Put things in viewpoint. Even small disappointments can seem monumental at first. But once you've expressed your hurt, frustration, or fury, take a step back and look at the larger picture. How much of an effect is this disappointment going to have on you the next day, next week, or the coming year?

* Take a breath and go for a stroll to put your own disappointment into perspective. Taking time to reflect and step away from the situation will help calm your nerves so you will be better able to handle the disappointment.

3. Do not doubt yourself. Often disappointment will make you feel like a failure. You might ask yourself why these things happen to you or you may believe you were stupid to get your expectations up in the first place. But none of that is the reality. Don't allow yourself to give in to these negative thoughts!

*Disappointment is not unique to you. People have been disappointed at some time in their life. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about what could have been done differently and learn from the experience.

4. Look for a solution or bargain. You can't have your way all the time but sometimes there might be a second choice that's reasonable to each party.

* Get a few deep breaths, relax, and look for the "silver lining. " It is possible to find something good in almost every circumstance.

5. Reevaluate and make changes if possible. Sometimes when we experience disappointment, it might be a hint that we need to re-examine our priorities. Depending on the level of disappointment you are dealing with, you might need to make minor or major changes to your life.

* Learn to be flexible. Refocusing your own attention on your new goals will help you forget about your disappointment.

Do not Give Up

Anyone who has had even a small degree of success in life has faced disappointments.

* Winners just do not quit. They learn from their own downfalls and disappointments and continue to achieve their goals.

You can be your own greatest motivator! Don't underestimate the strength of encouraging yourself by saying, "I can do this. I will make it. I will make it through this and become a better person!"

You do not need to let disappointment to reduce your self-confidence. That is not to say that you should gloss over your feeling, but you can simply learn to cope with your disappointments successfully, then move ahead to greater and better things.




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