Saturday, 29 March 2014

What You Should Know Before You Attend Couples Counseling

By Pat Skeats


Relationship counseling is a process by which the parties in a relationship seek outside help in order to recognize and manage problems within the relationship. Every marriage experiences troubles at some time for a variety of reasons. Many people choose to go to couples counseling in order to prevent the marriage from breaking down.

When there are changes in a family such as financial difficulties, physical health, or problems with other family members, this can have a serious and negative influence on the way that individuals respond in a relationship. In many cases it is not just one person who is at fault. One principle that is taught in relationship therapy is that it takes both people to create a problem and so both must try to manage the problem.

One solution that is used to repair the relationship is to try and change the perceptions and emotions of the individuals. This means getting them to look at or respond differently to situations and how they feel about them. Our perceptions and emotional responses in a relationship are often contained in what some psychologists call a love map. The emotions in a love map can be explored together and discussed openly with our partner. The core values in a love map can be understood and respected by our partner or we can change them when they are no longer appropriate.

Many psychologists believe that instead of learning how to argue better and analyze past mistakes, it is more productive for both people to recognize and admit that they are emotionally attached to their partner and dependent on them the same way that a child is dependent on a parent. The basis of this dependence is a need for nurturing protection from another person.

A licensed relationship therapist may rely on psychiatrists, social workers and pastoral counsellors for help in treating married people. The duty of a relationship therapist is to listen to and respect their clients. The therapist must understand them and seek to facilitate a better functioning relationship between the partners. They must provide confidential dialogue which is sensitive to the feelings of each person. They should enable each individual to be heard and speak about their feelings.

Rather than trying to make decisions for the couple, the relationship therapist should seek to empower them. They must feel confident enough to take control of their lives and make important decisions on their own. The end goal is simply to improve communication so that they learn how to do this.

Today, it has become more common to require these individuals to have professional certifications before they offer therapist services. There has also been a move toward the Government registering these services. This is partly due to the fact that therapists have a duty of care to those whom they counsel, and there may be consequences if the therapist is not careful to preserve a proper fiduciary relationship with their client.

Psychologists have observed that active listening helps to create a safe environment to allow criticism to be heard and dealt with. Many listeners often feel overwhelmed by criticism and so tend to avoid such encounters. Some psychologists believe that people are biologically programmed to be defensive towards criticism. Therefore, the goal is to train the listener to interpret criticism as love and not necessarily as something abusive.




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